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There is so much carry on about the so called "mummy wars" in the press of late, and quite frankly, I've had enough.

Tuesday's Hope has always been a place where I have written about Hope, and how she fits in to our lives both pre and post the live babies of mine safely arriving earth side. I don't often write about my trials and tribulations of parenting them, because it has just never felt right, but today I am going to go there.

I know these so called "wars"are taking place as I generally get sucked in and read all about them, but I'm never participating, just sitting on the sidelines shaking my head, wondering how on earth we got to this point.

Why, as mothers, are we doing this to ourselves? Why can't we just accept that we're all doing the best job we can with the tools we have available to us? Unless you are harming your child in any way, I really don't care how you're doing things, as long as your kids are loved.

I also refuse to be labelled. I mostly adhere to the principals that "attachment" type parents would follow but I'll be damned if anyone is going to give what I do a name. I'm simply doing what feels best for me and my babies. Call it attachment, call it instinct, call it what you will but I just call it parenting.

I breastfeed, on demand and for a bit longer than what is deemed normal, yet for the time being, that hasn't strayed too far in to toddlerhood. Angus weaned himself at 15 months when I was 15 weeks pregnant with Juliet and never had a bottle of formula in his life, and only a dozen or so bottles of expressed milk, all in the first three months of his life. Juliet is still going strong at 11 months, with no real sign of stopping and she's never had a bottle at all - of formula or expressed milk. I really don't want to feed her past the age of two though, so we'll just see where things head for the next 12 months. I feed inside, outside, in parks, in cafes, on trams on trains and have done so in an aeroplane - if the baby is hungry, I feed the baby. I don't cover up but I also don't flash myself about. Mostly I just don't give a damn what anyone thinks. We're talking about a hungry baby for crying out loud. But breastfeeding is hard, no doubt about that. It took a good 12 weeks for it to click with Angus and I and probably two weeks with Juliet. A lot of my best friends formula feed, as does my sister. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. There is no judgement here - just feed the baby. That is all.

My kids wear cloth nappies, but at night they were a disposable. I think the amount of poo thrown away in disposable nappies in to landfill is yuck and like trying to do my bit for Mother Nature by reusing the same nappies on both my kids over and over and over again. Plus they look cute and save us a crap tonne of money, pun intended.

Both kids have been in and out of our bed. Sometimes by design, sometimes by default. Sometimes it has been nice to have them there, sometimes not. When it works, they stay in, when it doesn't, in to their own bed/room they go. But for the first 3-4 months with both of them, they slept right by my side. We've never done any form of controlled crying, and never intend to, but that said, both babies have grizzled themselves to sleep as there is a difference between crying and a bit of whinging as they nod off.

I make all of my own baby food and I'm still very strict about the treats Angus is allowed to have. I posted on Facebook earlier this year that I wasn't giving him any chocolate at Easter and you'd think I'd have said I was amputating his left arm. He's had McDonalds maybe three times in his life, but he's never had a glass of soft drink. Not ever. And that aint about to change any time soon!

I wore/wear my babies in slings but I also use a pram. They are heavy kids and I can't be carrying them everywhere all the time. I live in a hilly neighbourhood and I go for long walks, so Angus can get tired. And I also use the pram as my vessel for carrying groceries home. My back is also shot after three babies in three years and even the comfiest of carriers is not going to save it carrying a near 12kg 11 month old around. For the first four months of Juliet's life though, she spent a lot of time sleeping in the Moby or Hug-a-bub and they were my most treasured parenting tools.

I'm a full time stay at home mum and neither of my kids have ever been in to any form of childcare. Angus starts three year old kinder next year and will be gone for three hours, two mornings a week and that will be the first time he's ever been away from me with someone he doesn't know. We have a strong bond, but I also know that this special time for us together at home is drawing to a close, and I'm excited about all that is ahead for him. Juliet may at some point end up in some form of care, but there are no firm plans for that yet. It is tough to be home on one income, super tough, but I'm happy to make sacrifices to make it work for the time being and Simon is also incredibly supportive and grateful, which makes a huge difference.

I vaccinate. On schedule. All needles, all of them time. I won't ever budge on this and feel strongly about my decision to protect my children in this way. End of story.

I think natural birth is the ideal thing to aim for when pregnant, but I've had two elective caesareans and make no apologies for that. I have two very healthy children and even though I've felt what it is like to push a baby out of me, that is hardly a memory I look back fondly on.

So that's me. That's how I'm doing things. I'm not asking for praise, a pat on the back or a medal. It is hard work, that's for sure, but it is for all of us, no matter what way we do things. And by listing what I do, I am not trying to make anyone else feel bad/guilty or like a failure. I am telling my story here and mine alone.

I think having had a baby die I can see very clearly that none of this really matters. Because fuck, if your kids are alive, then that's half the battle won. When I see mothers pitted against each other in trashy news reports and articles in this way I just get sad, as I feel so many of them just don't know how lucky they are that their babies are damn well alive. I would happily feed Hope formula, jars of pureed food and use disposable nappies day and night if I could have her back.

If there is any label I have as a parent, that is the "dead baby mum" label. A label I so wish I could shake but I know this is the label that shapes all of the decisions I make and is the reason I do many of the things the way I do.