Expected due date and restoring the festive cheer

December 1. Angus' expected due date. A date that has long been circled on our calendar. A date we had so hoped to reach without any troubles or heartache. It is a strange feeling to me, having only ever gone past a due date, to have a baby out here with us on the outside, two whole weeks before he was due. But I can tell you, it is also a nice feeling. I've had 14 whole days of him here with me. At this stage with Hope, she still had five more days to go inside. Yet I'd never get to keep her.

Today we also ventured out of the house - one of the first times we've managed it. First we had Angus' first visit with the Maternal & Child Health Nurse then we did a spot of shopping where Angus was the star attraction, strapped to my chest in his very special sling as we wandered around the shops.
It is hard to believe that he could still actually be in there. And I could still be a crazy mess of a pregnant person. Instead, today Angus is two whole weeks old.

December 1 in our household is also normally the day we put a Christmas tree up. Last year, Christmas around these parts was cancelled. No tree. No joy. No festive cheer. No fun. No Hope.

But this year, we got a tree. We are doing our best to restore some festive cheer because even though there still is no Hope, and never will be, now there is Angus and he deserve all the joy and cheer we can give him. So while I was feeding, Dad was decorating.

We're tired. We're running on empty. We are learning lots and probably not always succeeding, but we are doing it with smiles. Big ones.