08/08

When we found out we were expecting Hope in December 2007, the first thing we did was calculate a due date. August 14, Simon's mum's birthday - how lovely. But I looked and thought how cool it would be if our baby was born on 08/08/08. With eight being a very lucky number for some cultures, I asked the stars (because you can do that right?) if this could be arranged. I wanted my baby born on this special, lucky day. Clearly they weren't listening to me.

We joked about it more and more as the day drew closer. The Olympics started that day, as it is the Chinese who believe eight to be a lucky number, and we watched the opening ceremony with great delight. All the while I was waiting for that feeling. Something. A pain. A pulling. A contraction. A gush of water. But nope, nothing. It clicked over to midnight, and the 8th had gone. Opportunity missed.

It wasn't meant to be, and that's ok.

A year on, I'm not sitting here thinking about what could have been. I'm not full of regret and I'm not thinking about opportunities missed. Hope wasn't supposed to be born that day. She was still alive and well and perfectly healthy on that day. I'm glad she was warm and safe inside me. So the day doesn't really mean much now. Just another day in the lead up to the big days ahead.

But.

That was until I joined this sad community of grieving mothers online. That was until I found this lovely lady.

Monique's story jumped off the screen for me for obvious reasons. She too lost a firstborn, a little boy named Samuel Marc on 08/08/08, that same day I had hoped things would be so special for me.

She was 37 weeks pregnant, so must have been due almost exactly the same time as me. She too had been to hospital, worried, but sent home and told not to worry. Then it was too late, her Sam got away. She delivered him still on this day, 12 months ago.

She was one of the first Mamas I started reading and Sam's story was one of the first to steal my already broken heart.

August 8 will never mean nothing to me anymore, as it is Sam's birthday, and I want his lovely Mummy to know, in this part of the world, he will never be forgotten.