The bitter and the sweet of it all

That's my life now, bittersweet. Bitter for all that was lost, sweet for all that I have left and all that may still come my way. It is hard to straddle both worlds, but that's what I have to do now, that's my life and it always will be. One foot in each Universe. Plenty of sadness but also plenty of joy. Lots of pain but also glimpses of happiness. While we did lose our Hope, we did not lose hope.

So you see, I'm not angry at bitter all the time. Snarling at innocent strangers, cussing at passers by. I'm not steaming with rage and anger 24 hours a day. I don't cry myself to sleep every night. I'm no longer a total train wreck. See. See my smile up above. That's me 25 weeks pregnant with this new baby boy, just last week around the anniversary of my daughter's unexpected death in my belly at the end of my pregnancy then her birth. See. I don't think I'm doing so bad. See.*

There are plenty of us living the bittersweet life now. One mother in particular is Catherine, who welcomed her twin baby girls in to the world on this day last year. I don't know if there will ever be a better word than bittersweet to describe what Catherine went through and is still going through. The girls were born at 23 weeks and 4 days gestation. Jessica will celebrate her first birthday at home with her family today, but Georgina will celebrate hers in the stars. She died three days after she was born. Jessica didn't come from hospital until many months later, but thankfully, she's doing so well now. And today will be such a joyous day - but tinged with much sadness and longing.

I'm celebrating and remembering with Catherine today, for all that was gained and all that was lost on these days last year. And counting my lucky stars that I was able to find her and join her on this tragic journey of love and loss. She's a kind soul, true friend and a wonderful mother.

You see, it is a bittersweet life we live. And we do the best we can.

*refer to comment on last post.