Glimpses of rare beauty

It has been playing on my mind a lot in the last three months. How did I go from this:

to this, in the blink of an eye?

What's more, how do I get myself back to that happy, carefree, expectant, blissful and excited person in the first photo. Truth is, I can't.

But you know what, I'm going to try. And I'm going to give it my best shot damn it.

I'm obviously a long way from it with a lot of work ahead of me. But I have time on my side and I'm going to work hard at it. It might not be the same level of happiness, but it will be happiness all the same.

In the time being though, all I can do is appreciate the small moments of pure beauty that come into my life and give me reasons to smile.

******

I read a post today by my new friend Gal over at Growing Inside. It got me thinking and made me want to share this story.

We took a ferry ride the other day, from Sorrento to Queenscliff across Melbourne's Port Phillip Bay, in my beautiful corner of the world.

It was hot, the sun pelted down on my shoulers.

I walked to the edge of the boat and I asked for a sign. I don't believe in God and I'm not sure what I think about Heaven, but I asked my Hopey to show me if she was with me.

And she sent me this. A seal.

She heard me, my girl. She did. The seal swam alongside the ferry for a good five minutes. For a moment, it was just Simon and I at the side of the boat, marvelling at this beautiful animal, before hoards of other people made their way over on seeing me get my camera out.

Later in the day, we sat on the beach. Watched the waves crash at our feet and just revelled in the power of the ocean.

I called out to my girl again, and she sent me this:

A ladybug. Pure beauty.

Sorry for the quality of the photo, but you get the drift.

I told Gal about this, and being the beautiful woman she is, she sent me a link on animal totems and what it can mean when a particular animal comes in to our lives. I hadn't looked too much in to it, I just thought those brief moments were nice.

I'm clinging on by a bare thread here, so I'm willing to take as much out of these little signs as I can.

The Seal
"Seals have the agility to move from anger to complete calm. Being excellent swimmers they know how to flow with the ever changing currents. If seal pops its head into your life you are being asked to review the ebb and flow of your thoughts and emotions and maintain a point of balance. The seal is the keeper of wisdom and shows us what is hidden deep within ourselves. They teach us how to integrate the our imagination with the reasoning power of the intellect. Doing this promotes balance and harmony on all levels."

The Ladybug

"This tiny little beetle packs a powerful message. Because the life cycle of the adult ladybug is short it teaches us how to release our worry and enjoy our life to the fullest. When it appears in our life it is telling us to "let go and let God." Ladybug teaches us how to restore our faith and trust in great spirit. It initiates change where it is needed the most. When ladybug appears it is asking us to get out of our own way and allow great spirit to enter."

Right now, I just don't see how I can be anything but inspired by this. A seal and a ladybug. So simple but full of so much hope.

Hope sends beautiful birds to my garden, butterflies to follow me on my afternoon walks. Yesterday, she sent a hailstorm so fierce and strong it perfectly matched my mood. She knew how I was feeling, so she sent the storm to acknowledge that.

I know I have a long way to go, but this photo was also taken of me on our recent little beach holiday. It proves I can still smile and I don't think all hope is lost.

Even though some days, like today, I feel like a five year old who isn't allowed a bowl of icecream and I want to scream "I miss her, I miss her, I miss her, I miss her, I miss her times infinity".

I'm getting there though, one ladybug at a time.