Hot

It is unbearably hot here at the moment. We're having days on end of 40 degrees plus temperatures. We're all sweltering and our city is melting. We just went for a walk to get icecream (how's that for day two of the new exercise regime) and the traffic lights were out and the milkbar was closed as the power was out. So no icecream for us.

All this hot weather does is serve to remind me how far away I am from her. The day she was born was a typical, chilly Melbourne winter day. Spring was right on our doorstep, but it was still very cold. It was raining in the morning but I wouldn't know what the rest of the day was like, as I spent the next 30 or so hours cooped up in the hospital birthing and holding her lovely little body.

I just had such grand plans for this summer having a baby. There would be trips to the beach, evening strolls to the milkbar to get icecreams with the pram, weekend drives to visit family and so much more. The annoying thing is, we're doing all those things now, just without her. Not having her with me makes me feel empty and pointless. I feel like such a waste of space.

The hot weather has also killed off my other babies. My precious tomato plants. I spend weeks and weeks and weeks nurturing them, they grow bigger and bigger and just as they are about to ripen to be picked, they die. Sound familiar? I can't help but draw on the similarities here.

I have been illegally watering them like mad, despite our tight water restrictions, to try and bring them back to life, but I think they've had it. Bye bye tomatoes.

The heat is making me feel many things this week, but as always I'm just really missing her and also missing the old me.

Hawaii really can't come soon enough.